shifting perspectives

I haven’t written in a while because if I’m honest, I wasn’t sure what to write.   I have all these half written blog posts started and then my confidence in my writing peters off  and I drop down into the rabbit hole of thinking… it’s not good enough, it’s not perfect.   I never want to sound preachy or like I know all the answers, because honestly I am the furthest thing away from that.  I really want to make sure my voice comes across in a real and authentic way… and somewhere in all that worry and overthinking, that voice gets lost and I hit save draft instead of  publish.

Anywaysssssss…. I’ve been thinking about this post for weeks now.  I’ve written and rewritten it in my head a thousand times and yet until just now, haven’t put a word down on “paper”, worrying I won’t ‘do it justice’ or convey all the thoughts bouncing around my head in the way I want to.   So in the spirit of my favourite mantra “be scared and do it anyways”, tonight I decided to just start writing, in hopes I would be brave enough to post it when it is finished.

There is not a woman in my life that hasn’t questioned her body, or negated it in some way.   It is sadly all around us and part of our every day  life.  We, as women (and I’m sure men too) tie so much of our worth to how our body looks.   The media preys on this, publishing images of “perfect bodies” and how the “ideal woman” should look.   I am 100% its victim too, so please don’t think I’m writing this from a place of overcoming this pressure.  Rather , I’m trying to write this from a  place of attempting to own and love my imperfections.

Somewhere over the last 6 months, I’ve gone from hating my body for what it looks like- and believe me, when I say hate, I mean despised and loathed it-  to being really grateful for what it has done and continues to do for me.   I honestly don’t know exactly when this shift happened…. though I think it’s been coming for a while. I’ve been seeking out people and readings that focus and work on self care.  I made the decision to change my life after hitting rock bottom in how I felt about myself.  That journey to rock bottom changed how I interacted with people and the world around me.   It’s not even about being fat or skinny, it’s about feeling like my best self… or rather about being on a journey to my best self.  That journey will be different for any person seeking it out. For me, right now, it is about getting healthy and proving to myself that I can do it. It is about taking my life back and being a participant in it and not just a bystander.   Its not about a number on the scale (thought I’ll admit it sure is nice seeing it go down), but more about how I feel in my body and reclaiming a confidence I once had and somehow lost along the way.   I’m not there yet…  I’m not even sure exactly where there is  yet, but I’m on my way. This I know for sure.

I hear my beautiful friends of all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life, diss their bodies and see only the negative things.  I hear and see how cruel we can all be to ourselves, instead of being grateful for the body that gets us through this life.   To my amazing friends who are mothers, or about to become them,  please know your body is incredible and so so so beautiful!  You grew and nourished a human!!!!!  A person exists now because your body was able to create it…  and then when that little human decides to  exit your body, you nourish and nurture them with yours.  I’m in awe of you. I watch you be so hard on yourselves, so negative about how your body looks pre and post pregnancy,  but please, please try to take a moment and see the beauty I see….  Not every woman has had the fortune of doing what you have done,  not every woman will actually be able to.   I hope when the day comes that I grow, birth and raise a child, that I will be able to see the beauty in my body and quiet my negative voice.   I cannot wait for the day that I get to experience this.

It would be so amazing if we could learn to love ourselves as we are, to  stop body shaming ourselves and others.   I 100% have looked at skinny women who complain about their bodies and thought “f*&k you”.. you have no idea what its really like.    I’ve also looked at big women and thought “oh hunny, you really shouldn’t wear that”, thinking I was coming from a place of empathy and not judgment. How I was lying to myself.  I’m ashamed of it, of myself, for having thought those things. I’m sure I am not alone in this either… and I’m working really hard on changing that voice in my head, so that regardless of the person standing in front of me, including the one I see in the mirror, it says,  “rock it girl…  you do you, in whatever way that makes you feel whole and happy”…because the reality is, we are all in this life together.

Okay, I’ll leave this here, because I don’t know where to stop and there is so much to say and so much I’m reading and learning still…

There are some really amazing people and collaborations out there in this world  that are honouring each other in ways that are so so so beautiful.  They have and continue to help me in unmeasurable ways… so if you feel like checking them out, I highly recommend the following:

On Our Moon 

Raw Beauty Talks 

Healthy is the New Skinny

(ps. they all have instagram accounts too if you’d rather follow along that way)

 

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One Response to “shifting perspectives”
  1. Sabrina says:

    Brooke, this is beautiful!!! So proud of you

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