Finding my WHY?

One of the big topics my accountability group discusses is WHY.  Why are you doing this? Why did you decide to start, why do you continue? etc.  The first time that topic came up, I realized to answer my WHY, I had to go back further and be really honest about my HOW.   How did I get here? How did I let myself get this far down the rabbit hole of weight gain?    The answer to that question is a very long one and I’ve decided to share a piece of it here with everyone.  Eleven years ago I was living abroad,  studying my post graduate diploma and living my dreams.  I was the happiest I had ever been, learning new things and meeting new people and just really enjoying my life abroad.  I should go back and say about a year prior to my studying in Europe,  my dad had been diagnosed with cancer and had surgery to remove his tumours, but was stable.   He encouraged me to follow my dreams to live in Europe and pushed me to do it. To be honest, he wouldn’t take no for an answer.  About a year into my living abroad, I received a phone call from my mum saying it was time to come home (ps. I was always planning to come home, just not quite then).  The news was not great…my dad’s cancer had spread  and our time together was limited.   I flew home pretty much right away and things got really tough really, really fast.    About 9 months later, after more surgeries and very painful treatments, my dad sadly lost his battle with cancer.  I was in my early twenties at the time, and took over running the family business (which I really knew nothing about) and my life changed completely almost overnight.   I’m not going to get into all the details here.  Those that know me well, know about that hard period in my life and walked with me through it.  Maybe one day I will be brave enough and share more of that pain here, but not yet.  I certainly know that cancer has likely touched each one of us in some way, so in no way do I think my story is particularly unique, but regardless it is my story… it’s what happened to me.  Anyway, fast forward 10 years,  I successfully ran a business I knew nothing about, I eventually sold it and have had a very successful career in a job I never knew I wanted.  However, during that time I feel like I gave up my identity and with that I let food become my comfort.
When I started this journey 4 months ago, I had put on 100 lbs since I returned from Europe (wow….that may be one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve ever typed, but if I can’t face that number then what is the point of this whole thing, you know). The stress, the grief, the life-change all took its toll on me and I let myself become its victim… and food my trusty companion. Those 100 lbs didn’t happen over night…  they crept in, little by little, pound by pound over the last 10 years.  Trust me, I knew that I was putting on weight but it took me hitting rock bottom to finally do something about it. 
After years of self loathing and sadness about my weight,  I honestly just decided in April that enough was enough and having watched a friend’s journey on Facebook,  the planets aligned as they sometimes do. She actually reached out to me on a particularly low day (unbeknownst to her ) and asked me if I wanted to join the group.   I thought about it overnight then decided to just say yes.  Yes to me!  And so I started, one day at a time, taking back my life and taking back pieces of myself with each step forward.
As for my WHY?  Well that keeps evolving with each round, but here are a few reasons why I’m doing this:
-first and foremost for me
-for my health and happiness
-so I can feel strong in my own body
-so I can show myself and others who may be watching that if you want it, you can do it
-so I can set a good example for those younger children in my life that may look up to me
-so I can be more authentic and REAL and vulnerable in my life
-and simply because, I CAN
So I am going to pose this challenge to anyone out there that may be wanting to start a journey of their own.  Take a really hard look at your HOW, write it down, be honest and truthful with yourself and read it over.  Then write out all the reasons WHY you want to make this change.   Use those to keep you motivated and to always remember why you started this in the first place.  If you would like to share it with me,  I would love to hear from you.    You can email me, send me a note contact me on Facebook or write a comment below I would absolutely love to hear from you and let you know that you are not alone and that we are in the fight together!   Struggles, triumph and everything in between.
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